ForsakingEternity Read online

  Adam stood still as a statue for a hesitant second. “I’m rambling, aren’t I?”

  “Perhaps a little.” Ren ducked his head and smiled.

  “Please, make yourself comfortable. I don’t have much time, unfortunately.”

  Ren didn’t move. He couldn’t. His feet were firmly planted on those aging boards, held captive by this man, this simple human. After an eternity of living among wonders beyond this or any man’s comprehension, how was it that Adam, in all his base humanity, could fascinate him so?

  “I don’t really wish to sit.” He peeked up at Adam and his gaze caught on the expression on the human’s face.

  Adam slowly circled the desk once more until he stood close in front of Ren, closer than socially acceptable, closer than comfortable. Something deep in Ren’s chest responded. It pulled at him, tugged him toward Adam until he swayed.

  “Why did you come, Renatus?” The words were a whisper, their speaker so close Ren could feel them ghosting over his own lips.

  “I wanted to be with you, if only for a few more moments.”

  Ren couldn’t say which one of them moved, or if maybe they both had. He just knew that in the next moment his jacket brushed against the tweed of Adam’s, the near-contact of their bodies so overwhelming that he could feel every fiber as they caught and clung. Adam’s breath fell hot and fast against his face. Ren’s lids grew heavy, his head tilted and he began to lean in.

  A loud knock rattled the office door and they sprang apart. Adam’s eyes held the heat of desire as he stared at Ren, his breath came in shallow pants and Ren was surprised to realize his did as well.

  “Professor Liebmann, you’re late for class. Is there a problem?” The words were muffled by the door.

  “I was just collecting my notes, Miss Sutherland.”

  “Don’t keep the students waiting, professor.” The secretary’s dull footsteps echoed as she returned to her desk. The room was once more silent except for the pounding of Ren’s heart and their heavy breathing.

  “I’m sorry,” Adam finally said. “I shouldn’t have brought you here. I knew we didn’t have any time but I wanted a little longer with you, too. Can we meet again? Dinner maybe?”

  Relief washed through Renatus and his spirit soared. “Dinner sounds perfect.”

  “Can you meet me back at the café tonight at about seven? I know it’s short notice.”

  “I can be there.”

  “Great. That’s great.” Adam stood staring at him for a moment, a strange smile on his face. Then he jerked into action, scrambling to his desk and picking up a stack of papers. “I have to get to class. I’ll see you tonight, right? You’ll be there?”

  “Yes. I’ll be there.” If he was brave enough. But then, Ren had been brave enough to make it this far, hadn’t he?

  Adam smiled again and opened the door, holding it for Ren then locking it behind them.

  “Until this evening then.”Adam took a step away then stopped.

  Ren stared at Adam, unable to move. It was as if his feet were mired in clay, fixing him to the spot. The two of them stayed just like that, watching each other for a long moment. Did the human feel the same reluctance as he at the thought of parting?

  Somewhere an unknown person coughed. The sound echoed through the hallway, breaking their mutual fixation. Adam raised his stack of class notes, the movement half wave and half-reluctant shrug, then turned to walk down the corridor to the classroom of students awaiting him.

  Once alone, Ren removed himself with a thought, using his power to transport himself to the campus commons in the flickering of an eye. Once there he kept his power pulled tight around him, masking his presence and keeping him hidden from the humans populating the grounds. Finding a quiet spot under a vermilion maple, he tried to make sense of what had just happened.

  Attraction. Yes, he was very attracted to Adam. This was different from what he’d felt before, different than the curiosity and reluctant arousal that had set him on this path. No, this attraction was very strong and not at all coerced.

  But what did that mean for him, for his plan?

  Nothing. It could mean nothing.

  Adam was a human and he was an angel. The fact there was powerful chemistry between them simply meant that his curiosity might be satisfied. He’d scoured the known Law, and though there was no distinct prohibition, it was clear that an angel was not to take a human to mate. This experimentation of his was working on a loophole, something which made Ren, as a Keeper of the Law, distinctly uncomfortable.

  No, this time with Adam could mean nothing. When it was time to go, he would leave and not look back, as he always had before.

  Decision made, he left the campus. There were things he must accomplish before he met Adam once more.

  * * * * *

  “Do you want to tell me about it?” Tom asked, uncharacteristically solemn. Their footsteps echoed in the nearly empty halls, the dull tromping sound magnified by the nearly empty silence. Most of the students had left the building for the day, and those diligent enough for evening courses were in class.

  The two of them had been fast friends since the day Adam had first come to the college. He’d been inexperienced, cornered into masking his sexuality by a conservative faculty who did not approve of homosexuals in the classroom. As a man who had just learned to accept himself with pride, it had been a terrible blow to Adam’s self-confidence.

  As the only other out-of-the-closet gay man on staff, Tom had been quick to befriend Adam and help him negotiate the tricky politics of campus hierarchy and policy. There was no one he trusted more than Tom, and yet he found himself reluctant to talk about Ren with his friend.

  “Talk about what?” Adam shoved his hands in his pockets and fiddled with his keys. Staring straight ahead as they walked, he pretended not to know what Tom was talking about. Not that he’d have much luck with that. Damned thing about best friends. They tended to know you too well.

  “I thought you’d sworn off unknowns after Darius.”

  “That was a long time ago, Tom. I’ve moved on.” Adam pushed the door open and headed for the parking lot, anxious to get home. Anxious to get to Renatus.

  “Five years. It was bad enough for you to completely change your dating habits. You’ve barely dated since him.”

  “I didn’t meet anyone interesting,” Adam lied. He’d avoided interesting. That was what attracted him to Darius, a man who’d promised him forever, complete with kids and a white-picket fence. What he’d gotten was a two-year relationship with an emotionally abusive cheater.

  Adam could live without interesting.

  At least that’s what he thought until he’d seen Renatus.

  “Stop jingling your keys and talk to me. What the hell are you thinking?”

  “He’s not Darius.” Just thinking about his ex had Adam’s stomach tightening into knots. Nothing like that would happen again. Ren wasn’t forever. Ren was safe.

  “That’s it?” Tom wrapped his fingers around Adam’s elbow and pulled him to a stop. “Five years of watching you shy away from anything resembling a relationship. You are so cut off that the sweet young things coming through your classes don’t even bother flirting anymore. When cute boys don’t flirt with their professors, there is something wrong, Adam. Now you meet this guy and it’s all just peachy, just like that?”

  “I don’t know.” Adam took a breath and started walking again, fast this time, forcing Tom to keep up. “I don’t know what to say. There’s something about him, something worth exploring.”

  He reached his car and got in. Wrapping his fingers around the steering wheel, he squeezed until his knuckles whitened and the skin felt stretched tight.

  The passenger door opened and Tom slid in. “You talked for five minutes in a coffee shop. For all you know he won’t even be around next week.”

  “He won’t.”

  Silence fell between them. He could almost feel Tom’s eyes boring into the side of his head.

 
“You can’t just drop that on me and not explain, Adam,” Tom demanded.

  “I’m an adult. I don’t need you to approve my choices.”

  “I’m your friend and I’m worried.”

  The starch went out of Adam and he could feel himself droop, deflated and defenseless. “He’s not from around here and he’s nervous.”

  “He’s straight.” The accusation in Tom’s words hit Adam in the center of his chest.

  Adam nodded once before turning the key in the ignition. “Straight and curious.”

  Renatus wasn’t looking for a relationship. He wanted to play gay for a while and found a quiet, out-of-the-way place to do it. Adam tried to pretend that was fine with him. He’d have a fling, a feel-good weekend with another man and not expect more. Inside, he knew he was lying. Ren could do more damage in a weekend than Darius had in two years.

  So why was he doing this?

  The image of Ren, his face flushed, lips parted and leaning into that kiss that never happened was all the answer Adam needed. He was doing it because he couldn’t not do it. Renatus was simply irresistible.

  “I don’t want to see you get hurt again.”

  “Don’t worry, Tom. I’m going into this with my eyes wide open.”

  Chapter Two

  Ren placed the large jar on the counter in front of Maggie.

  “I need paper currency please.”

  “What are you doing here?” The pretty redhead’s mouth dropped open and she stared at him in wide-eyed surprise.

  His smile slipped a little. “This is a moneychanger institution, is it not?”

  “Well, yes. Banks are moneychangers I guess. I just thought you’d gone…home.” She cast a quick look around her, a reminder that he could not behave freely here. Maggie knew him, but the other humans mustn’t think him anything other than a man.

  “Let’s count this out and you can tell me why you need cash.” She scooped a handful of change from the jar and frowned. “Ren, why are all these coins wet?”

  “Because I found them in water fountains.”

  The corner of her mouth twitched in amusement.

  “I guess it’s one way for an angel to get cash,” she said, keeping her voice low enough to mask their conversation. “Can you use some of that mojo of yours to dry them off?” She waved one hand at the jar.

  “Oh, of course.” He laid his hands on the jar and let some of his power flow through it. “I will make sure I do that before I arrive next time.”

  “Next time? This isn’t enough for you?”

  “I don’t know. How much will I need to purchase a meal in a restaurant?”

  Maggie blinked at him. “You’re eating in restaurants?”

  “I need to live among humans for…a little while.”

  If Maggie noticed his hesitation, she didn’t show it. She moved the coins, counting the amounts aloud until they were all tallied.

  “Wow, not a bad haul. Next time I’m short on rent I’ll have to send Dom out to hit a few fountains.” She counted out the bills, then placed her hand over his as he reached for the money. “I don’t know what’s up, but if you need help call Dom. He’d be here in an instant for you. You know that, right?”

  His wings, hidden from the humans, quivered at the name. Every feather prickled in reaction. One in particular tingled with awareness. His fingers itched to stroke it, to soothe it as he had so many times over the past months. Dom’s feather. Its inky smear against the white of his own plumage had been his anchor during the longest days of his existence, his comfort through the pain of loss.

  “I cannot see him. Don’t ask it of me, Maggie.”

  “He misses you.”

  “And I him.” Taking a small step back from the teller window, he carefully folded the bills and placed them in his pocket.

  “We’re not busy. I’ll go see if I can leave early and we can talk. Why don’t you go wait over there,” she said, waving toward the exit.

  He gave her a small nod of acquiescence and took a seat on a bench near the door. He perched on the edge, his hands on his knees, and watched the humans. Most went by him without a glance in his direction, but others would look at him with puzzlement on their features, as if they knew he wasn’t what he seemed. He ducked his head to stare at the floor.

  Their prying eyes made him feel conspicuous, something an angel should never be. A tingle of unease washed over his skin. He kept his eyes averted and willed the people to pass by, tried to force the vulnerability away.

  “Is something wrong?”

  His head snapped up and Maggie stood before him, her purse in hand and her expression concerned.

  “The humans watched me as they passed.”

  “Is that bad?”

  “No. I’m just unaccustomed to attention. I suppose if I intend to be among them, I should expect to be noticed.”

  She gave him another worried look before directing him out of the bank. Once in her car she sat, key in hand, and stared at him as if he were a riddle to solve. But then, to her, he probably was. “What’s going on, Ren?”

  He pointed his head forward and stared at the traffic clogging the busy streets.

  “Would you look at me?”

  He tried. He truly did, but the act of turning his head and meeting her eyes was more than he could handle. “Please, Maggie. Do not ask what I cannot answer.”

  “Then tell me what you can answer. Why do you need money? Is it part of some mission, or task, or whatever angels get sent to do?”

  “I have a date,” he blurted, unable to think of a more dignified way to say it. His cheeks felt hot, hotter than could be blamed on the sunshine.

  “A date?” She stared at him, her attention seeming to pierce the side of his head as he kept his eyes firmly forward. The light changed and the cars began to move in a sluggish procession. “You’re dating a human? I didn’t expect that one.” She started the car and backed out of the parking spot. “So what’s her name?”

  He kept his eyes focused on the cars moving around them while his face grew hotter.

  “Adam.”

  She muttered a curse and the automobile lurched and slammed to a halt as it hit a curb. “Okay. I really wasn’t expecting that. I thought you weren’t into the boylove.”

  “I don’t know if I am.” Or if he wasn’t. He didn’t know what this yearning was or why he suddenly saw men and wondered what it might be like to touch them.

  A car horn honked and Maggie put the car in gear with another curse. “You ran from Dom every time he tried to get close.”

  He wanted to deny it, but the words would not come. It was true. He had fled. The physical arousal he’d felt in the arms of his friend frightened him.

  “This attraction between males is frowned on in the Heavenly Realm. The desire shamed me.”

  “You hurt him.”

  Ren’s eyes closed as an answering hurt sliced through his own chest.

  “That shamed me even more.”

  A sad silence fell between them as she drove. Her uncomprehending anger rolled over Ren in waves, pushing his guilt even further.

  He should not have come here. He should have visited a bank closer to Adam. Instead he’d come to Maggie for the comfort of being with someone familiar. The stupid, thoughtless action reopened a wound he’d thought healed.

  Maggie didn’t utter a single word during the drive but her anger with him was palpable. She pulled into a parking lot surrounded by trees, giving them some respite from the heat of the sun. The excited squeals of children playing rang from a nearby playground, but silence stretched out painfully between the two of them.

  “When are you going to tell me about Adam?” she asked after several minutes.

  “I do not know what to say about him.”

  “Where did you meet?”

  “I went to a coffeehouse in New Hampshire yesterday. He was there.” Ren chose his words carefully, not wanting Maggie to know he’d purposefully gone in search of a man. What would she think of him
?

  “New Hampshire? Ren, that’s on the other side of the country.”

  He cocked his head to one side. “Is his location a problem?”

  “No, of course not. I’d just assumed he was closer, I guess.”

  Silence fell again, and the need to make amends grew.

  “Maggie, despite the initial misunderstandings between us, I count you as a friend.”

  Her jaw dropped open and her eyes went wide. “Initial misunderstandings? Ren, you were going to take me to Hell and feed me to demons.”

  “Someone had to do it.” Dom certainly hadn’t been making any move toward taking the woman where she belonged. He’d been too enamored with the sweetness and purity he’d seen in her.

  She rolled her eyes at him. “Please.”

  He stared at her, baffled. “I was upholding the Law. I had no choice. The Law is my duty, the core reason for my existence.”

  “I would have died!”

  “You were already dead.” She had fallen prey to demons, shot and poisoned by humans under their control. Only Dominicus’ determination kept her alive.

  Pain filled her face and she leaned back until there was as much distance between them as the confines of the car would allow. Ren reached out to cover her hand with his but she jerked away, the action stiff with anger and hurt.

  “If you are so big on the Law, why are you on Earth and dating a human guy? Weren’t you the one telling Dom that angels and humans don’t mix?”

  “I reviewed the documents before I returned to the Earthly Plane. As Dominicus pointed out, the Law prohibits offspring. There is no chance of two men producing a child. I am not outside of the established rulings.” His face went hot once more. Why did truth feel like prevarication?

  The look in Maggie’s eyes made it clear she knew he wasn’t being completely forthcoming. “What about the guy thing? I thought that was a no-no.”

  “It is socially shunned among my kind but the Law says nothing on the subject.”